Another year

I've been through many blogs in my past and perhaps lost count of how many I had. Given its the new year, I decided to start a fresh. Its been 5 days since I return from my year end holiday. My first self paid, self earned holiday to Portland Oregon. I must say it was an achievement for me for the first time to be able to afford everything without having to ask from Dad or Mom but now that I turn back time I wondered if the holiday was a mistake? This is my fourth year in New Zealand, apparently one of the world's most beautiful place to live in. I suppose I will have to agree as I would be one of the very few who managed stayed on after university. Well, with all the greatness its another brand new year and another year where goals have to be achieved, another year away from my family and the list grows. Its my second year after university, I have a great job I must admit and proud of what I do. However as I sit down here, with all the grand and pretty perceptions people have upon me, is it really all that grand? I'm a million miles away from my family and I long to see them even more after leaving them and while everyone had to return back to thier own lives. I guess thats the path I chose, to be away from my family so I could live a better live. Perhaps it is also my culture to leave the country and set foot into another place I don't know but I guess with all the envy around me I have nothing to complain that where I live is in New Zealand. Yet, I often have the saddest face on me for how I much I longed for my parents, my sister, my niece and my brother in law. what comfort to have all of them around. Speaking of this would make me cry, do I regret not turning around at Los Angelos International Airport? I am afraid to admit I do, I feel lost and disoriented that I suppose the best move for me is to move out of my comfort zone to somewhere new. So this is the new year for me, to look for a new place away from my aunt and cousin? Well not too faraway from my cousins as I think they are grand people, perhaphs this move is for the better? Additionally this year, its time to take my stay here seriously and taking a further step ahead I will apply my PR. Its summer at the moment and I feel so lazy just to be doing anything. Perhaphs I am just procrastinating what on my mind...wait hold on I dont exactly know what goes through my mind right now, I occasionally have flashbacks of my holiday and that makes me want to shed a tear or two and calmness of my father's voice when I tell him how much I miss him. Dad's advice is strangely very calming and his voice just calms me down and tells me everything will be ok, while mom, is always there-strong, determine, yet loving. While my eldest sister-always understanding, loving, and that I'm always her baby sister and now we come to Stef, she's like my best friend! She knows me inside out and we share the same thinking and everything. Ivan-he is just the funny guy and you'll know he'll help you when you need it. Vicks-she's still small, but always kind. I guess this describes how blessed I am in many ways to have a family like that though now and then again I ask myself or perhaps the ears of god. Why does it always happen to me? Why's the family so far apart? Did we not get something right along the way? I just never know....perhaps I will find out sometime this year or maybe never? who knows?